In case you were wondering, the writing course is going very well so far, I like it a lot, so I guess it’s time to get my list of procrastinationable items in some kind of order.

  1. Weekly assignment for humor-writing course—done.  (By THURSDAY.  And it’s not due till next MONDAY.  Amazing, yes?)  Check.
  2. Participated in an online discussion of this week’s topic, which was “Point and Pointlessness.”  Since I am an expert in the second half of that equation, it was a fascinating topic for me.  (16 in the class, with only four of us participating in this = a pretty nice discussion, with everyone getting a chance to speak.)  Done.
  3. Completed critiques of four other classmates’ offerings.  (This is the most dangerous, terrifying writing I’ve ever done.  I want to be kind, hoping my classmates will return the favor when it is my work that is being scrutinized.)  Check.
  4. Have started outlining what I will submit when it is my turn to go into the “Booth.”  This is what I was referring to when I mentioned that we have to critique each others’ writing.  They call it the booth because you are in sort of  an “isolation chamber”—and not allowed to answer any of the criticism or try to explain your piece in any way.  Your writing must speak for itself.  If classmates don’t get it—it’s you, not them.  Of course, it helps if they are “It-Getters.”  Also hoping my being gentle will pay off for me.)  Status—Started.
  5. Annoying monthly church newsletter.  Done.  Time to think about becoming an atheist.  Again.
  6. Attempting to clean this disaster of a house—Not even started due to my paralyzing fear of all the fanged dust bunnies lying in wait for me.  They Are Everywhere.

So it seems I even have time to post here.  True confession: this blog has at some times been a repository for all those gems that McSweeney has, in the past, rejected.  A dumping ground, I guess is what you could call it.  (I wouldn’t call it that.)  Anyway, I thought I might post a few of the things I am writing for the class.  But if you think I will post the critiques from my instructor—don’t hold your breath!

I’ve written enough here today.  Next time: Get ready for some leftovers!  You like leftovers, don’t you?

And…I’m Back

It was rude of me to leave for a couple of weeks without an explanation.    I know I should have prepared you for this separation, but I have this little problem with procrastination, did I ever mention that?  No?          Well then I’ll tell you all about it … tomorrow.

When it got close to the time that I was leaving for my second wine-centric vacation this year, I didn’t leave myself enough time to write a forwarding message, in the form of a post.   It was either write something, or pack.  So, sorry about that.

This was our second wine-tastic vacation this year.  We were lucky enough to go to France’s Bordeaux region in July (with those poor, delusional “Chicago”-dwellers) and now we have just come back from Napa.  Everyone needs a vacation and not just because they can use it as an excuse to drink wine.  No, I needed a vacation as a practical matter, because now that I have to churn out FRESH, HOT NEW MATERIAL on a WEEKLY basis for the class I’m taking, it was perfect timing for me to be actually DOING something (drinking wine) so that I would have something to write about.  I don’t get out that much.  You don’t believe me?  Here is a description of a typical day for me:

What I Did Today

1.  Considered vacuuming and dusting my entire house.

2.  Thought about deleting the word “entire” from the first item.

3.  Decided against it because it’s the only part of the sentence that’s interesting.

4.  Went grocery shopping.  There was some kind of Stop & Shop manager’s convention going on there.  I think it was sponsored by Avery clipboards.

5.  Didn’t get any of the free cheese samples because of all the managers with clipboards milling about, blocking the cheese table.

6.  Cleaned the bathroom.  (But not the “entire” bathroom.)

7.  Killed a stinkbug (they’re the hot, trending insect now, replacing the bedbug in popularity.  I’m so over bedbugs!) with a copy of Eat, Pray, Love, which so far has been the best use I could find for this novel. 

8.  Nursed my grudge about not getting any free cheese samples by eating dark chocolate Dove pieces.  On crackers.  Served on a clipboard.

9.  Procrastinated about writing my homework for the class by writing this blog post.  I can only assume that when I feel pressured about writing something for this blog, I’ll do my homework.  If not, I’ll clean my house (but not “entirely”), or go out scavenging for cheese samples.   I seem to be going down the rabbit hole with this.

10.  Blogged about all of the above for you.  Would have Twittered it too, if I had an account.  You got lucky there.

11.  You’re welcome.

You see what I mean?  Pretty thin stuff.  I’ll be saving all the good stuff for my class, and you’ll get to hear this drivel.  Hahahaha.

Great to be back.  I’ll be here all week.  Don’t forget to tip your waitress.