March Madness

March really is a crazy month.  Some would go so far as to associate a kind of “madness” to it.  I wouldn’t argue with that.  I see many examples of so-called insanity in the month of March:
 
March 3–Dr. Seuss’s Birthday.  No one was madder than this guy.  Have you seen his books?  They are destroying our children!  Here’s an exerpt:
 
          I am Spam.
          Spam-I-am.

Do you like this
E-mail spam?

I do not like it,
Spam-I-am.
I do not like
your e-mail Spam.

Would you like it
if it’s lewd?
Would you like it
in the nude?

I would not like it
if it’s lewd.
I would not like it
in the nude.
I would not like it
here or there.
I would not like it
anywhere.
I do not like
your e-mail spam.
I do not like it
Spam-I-am.

There is so much more.  Suess’s books are destroying our children’s minds with charming rhyming couplets and lilting trochaic meter!  Not to mention the imaginative and outlandishly drawn characters.  And kids LOVE it!

March 5–Multiple Personality Day.  This proves March is a little insane–they have taken one day out of this month to acknowledge a mental disorder.

March 6–Multiple Personality Day.  Make that two days–so many personalities; so little time.  Two days for crazy.  I believe this supports my point about March.

March 15–The Ides of March.  Everyone always goes around saying this on March 15th.  “Beware the ides of March,” they say in a menacing tone on this particular date every year, in a desperate attempt to appear literate by demonstrating they have a passing familiarity with Julius Caesar, which means they’ve read at least one Shakespeare play.  This date is not what you could call crazy, I guess, but it is an unlucky day; it portends evil, kind of like Friday the 13th, but only if you are (were) Julius Caesar.  His pal Brutus killed him…which is some crazy bullshit…but it was a really long time ago, and the fact that we still refer to this event every March 15th seems kind of nutty to me.

March 17–St. Patrick’s Day.  I personally love St. Patrick’s Day.  Any holiday centered on the consumption of alcohol has the potential for a bit of madness (also called “fun”).  But I don’t think the original point of St. Patrick’s Day had to do with drinking despite the fact that it involves the Irish.  I think it started out as a Catholic thing, but this holiday has been totally secularized.  If you doubt this, go to a St. Patrick’s Day parade…IF you can stand the bagpipes.  WHY SO MANY BAGPIPES?  Those toneless dirges make me want to kill myself.  I am sure this is why people drink so heavily at the parade–they’re hoping to pass out, or if they’re lucky, go deaf from extreme alcohol consumption (must consult Wikipedia to see if this is possible).  Anything to blot out that infernal caterwauling!  

Fun fact:  Did you know that St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, was born in Roman Britain in the fifth century? (Wikipedia again.)  So by extrapolation doesn’t this mean St. Patrick was IRISH-ITALIAN?!              SO AM I!  How crazy is that?  Case closed.   

The March Hare–Not a holiday, but rather a character in a novel, most famous for appearing in the tea party scene in Lewis Carroll’s Alice’s Adventures In Wonderland.  And we all know how mad those Tea Partiers are, don’t we?  They are fucking lunatics, that’s what. 

There’s also the phrase, “as mad as a March hare.”  Hares have long been thought to behave excitedly in March, which is their mating season.  As Alice says in the novel, regarding the March Hare:

 “…As this is May, it [the March Hare] won’t be raving mad–at least not so mad as it was in March.” 

Which actually makes no sense.  But I have long believed Alice was on some kind of an acid trip.  If you don’t agree, you can Go Ask Alice.  So–there you have it–more evidence of March madness.

March 27–Youngest child’s 18th birthday.  18?!!  That cannot be right.  He will be going away to college next fall?  This, if you ask me, is the craziest thing of all.  This month is impossible.

One more proof of the madness of March–There is also something going on, I believe, relating to the sport of BASKETBALL.  And evidently it happens in March.  Whatever it is, our president is pretty excited about it, but I am not seeing the connection to health care reform.  Anyway, I think this thing is starting today.  Sounds wacky!