WTF, Winter?

Really?

I mean, come on, was all that necessary?  Two-and-a-half feet?  It is–if I may say this–positively SNOW-TARDED around here!  (Can I say that?     I think I can, now that Sarah Palin has deemed using any form of this word to be SATIRE, but only when Rush Limbaugh says it; not so much when Rahm Emanuel does.  I think I’ll be forgiven.)  I do NOT remember supersizing my order of snow.  Come to think of it, I don’t think I ordered any snow.  A McFlurry maybe, but this wasn’t what I had in mind.

Winter, we need to have a talk:  You are really harshing my mellow.  I don’t mind a little snow now and then; it’s pretty, and very useful for things like the Winter Olympics, which, I would like to remind you, are being held this year in Vancouver, B.C., and not in central NJ.  (IOC: get on this for next time.  In case you haven’t noticed, all the snow you ordered got delivered here.)

Who doesn’t enjoy a nice cozy day at home drinking hot cocoa spiked with Bailey’s after you’ve shoveled five times that day?  After all, snow days are fun, and we’re all just 4th-graders at heart—4th graders who enjoy a little snort of Bailey’s in their hot cocoa on the right occasion.  Am I right?…who’s with me?…whiskey maybe?  (What, your mother never gave you Bailey’s in your hot chocolate?…oops, well, anyway, the Bailey’s is for the pain.)  Because after shoveling out after the last few blizzards, my shoulder is falling off.  Literally.  I have to go see my doctor about getting my arm screwed back into my scapula or something.  It’s very technical. 

What really worries me, if it keeps snowing like this, is that I won’t be able to rest my arm properly, and I don’t want this injury to screw up my chances for making the Olympic snow-shoveling-and-Bailey’s-drinking team when the Winter Olympics come to central NJ next year.  (Olympics are held every year, right?  Or does it just seem like it?)

Remember, you heard it here—Olympics and the Jersey Shore.*        Perfect together.

[*Not THAT Jersey Shore.  I mean the Location, not the Situation.]

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Curl

Since we’re knee-deep into the Olympics—and I’m on a bit of a roll with the Jonathan Coulton music—what better time to show you the only song I’ve ever heard that celebrates the obscure and mysterious sport of CURLING.  Like Leap Year, I only think of curling once every four years.  And then I am surprised and amused by the concept. 

Of course, if there’s one way to top some Jonathan Coulton music, it’s to add a little Stephen Colbert to it.  Fortunately some genius with excellent taste in comedy AND music has done this, and so, for as long as it lasts, before this video is pulled from YouTube due to copyright infringement or something, may I present Curl, by Jonathan Coulton:

This video seals it.  I am definitely a fan of curling.  It is so nerdy it somehow seems cool.

[If you missed the original clip on The Colbert Report—without the JoCo soundtrack, but with the jokes—I urge you to check it out here, since I cannot embed it on my blog.  Hilarious.]

In Honor of President’s Day…Which Was Yesterday

Here’s a ditty by Jonathan Coulton, appropriately called The Presidents, for all you Presidential history buffs.  (I know you’re out there):

I warned you there would be serious nerding here, didn’t I?

I have been following Jonathan Coulton since 2005.  His presence is ubiquitous on the Internets.  Just YouTube him, you’ll see.  He is loads of fun live in concert.  His genre is geek pop, which, I believe, would have been my preferred musical choice, if it had existed when I was a kid.  Where was JoCo when I was growing up?  Oh yeah, NOT BORN YET.

And if you’re really a nerd, you’ll appreciate this song about the late George Plimpton, probably the last true American Renaissance man.  WHAT’S THAT you say?  A song about George Plimpton?  YESSS!  (You can look him up on Wikipedia, if for some reason you’ve never heard of him.  I’ll wait.)

The world has been waiting for this (at least the nerd world has):  

In my opinion, they should forgo the obligatory, predictable commencement speeches at college graduations and just play this for the graduating class.  Some of the best advice I’ve ever heard is in the last four lines of this song.

Wednesday Is (Extremely) Canceled

Due to the impending Snowpocalypse that is predicted, I will be unable to post today.  I’m serious.  It was nearly impossible to clear a path from my bedroom to my computer in the downstairs den.

And I don’t even own a decent pair of boots!

So, sorry, no post today due to Snowmageddon.

[But, I promise, in the coming days I WILL have something more to say on the subject of SP.  Always in the news!  I will leave it up to you to decide whether I am referring to Sarah Palin or Spam, as they both begin with “SP” and have about the same intellectual capacity.                   I sometimes have trouble telling them apart!]

Hint:  One of them is delicious.  The other will kill you.

Things I Think About During Church

— my grocery list for the week

— whether I can avoid shaking hands during the hand of fellowship with the person with the hacking, phlegmy cough and running nose

— a funny skit from last night’s SNL 

— the person’s ass in the row in front of me

— occasionally, my hangover

— who will win the Super Bowl (actually, I only think about this once a year)

— whether someone behind me is staring at my ass

— how happy I am that Sarah Palin revealed to us all, more than a year after the Katie Couric interview, what she does read—apparently, it’s     her hand

— changing the lyrics in certain hymns to amuse myself.  (For example, “Make Me a Servant” to “Make Me a Sandwich.  I’ve got more.)

— the Sunday morning news programs I am missing

— my personal demons