IF I Subscribed to Twitter…Christmas Edition

Just ran by the old Building and Loan and wished it a sucky Christmas.  It felt good!

Every time you check your FaceBook page, an angel gets his wings… ripped off horribly and painfully.

Nogging and logging–an annual Christmas tradition at our house.         Don’t ask.

Things My Sister’s Boyfriend Taught Me—Christmas Edition:  How to make infused whiskey (Crown Royal  Jack Daniels + cinnamon sticks + orange zest + raisins + three weeks time = delicious).  Have reconsidered my position on Manhattans.  (Edit–My sister’s boyfriend recommends Jack Daniels for his version of infused whiskey, and who am I to argue with genius?  Perhaps I was confused by the fact that this elixir was presented to me in the more attractive Crown Royal bottle.  My apologies for the error.  CR needs no enhancement.   OR SO I HAVE BEEN TOLD.)

Looking for that last-minute gift of AWESOME?  Buy YOURSELF a copy of Sarah Palin’s book of liesGoing Rogue.  If you HATE yourself.

I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year in exactly the same proportion as certain U.S. legislators tried to deny us a fair health care bill.  Which is VERY MERRY indeed.

Was in Barnes and Noble’s day after Christmas spending my gift card.  Bought a calendar and turned all copies of Sarah Palin’s word salad book backwards on the shelves.  Immature?  Maybe.  Satisfying?  Definitely.

Weirdest Christmas gift: glass turkey baster.  So necessary at least once a year.

New Year’s Resolution:  Sending out a newsletter with my Christmas cards next year and only putting in sad, depressing stuff.

New Year’s Resolution #2:  To begin a rigorous diet and exercise regimen but not in years ending with a zero.

Resolution #3:  Write a real post.  Or possibly subscribe to Twitter.

Too Much Turkey

I know the title of this blog post is ridiculous but it’s the best I could come up with to explain the long hiatus between postings.  It is scientific FACT that the chemical in turkey—it’s tryptophan, right?—can cause bone-crushing weariness and almost coma-like somnolence, for, let’s say, the better part of a week.  Or more.  (A week?  Really?  Hyperbole much?)  But I did eat turkey.  Too much turkey.  Believe what you will, but the timeline fits, and I am just coming out of a carbohydrate-induced fog which lifted this week. 

While I was in this post-Thanksgiving stupor, unable to concentrate enough to post anything new, but able to sit upright (barely) and focus on a computer screen, I surfed the Internets for both amusement and information.  You would be amazed what you can find out there!  There is so much to know about Sarah Palin!  And Spam!  I will elaborate more on this later.  I just thought I should get something posted today so all 3.7 of you who still read this blog would not assume I suffered a carb-induced blackout and did a face-plant into my stuffing. Which I most certainly DID NOT.   (For the record, the blackout was wine-induced.)  But the stuffing was delicious.

FUN FACT:  Did you know the freshest Internet of the day is delivered in the afternoon?  Anything you read before noon is stale, left0ver news from the night before.  That is why the Internet beats the newspaper any day, except for the crossword puzzles.  Newspapers are like day-old bread; they are only good for making croutons.  It pays to wait for the fresh stuff! 

Some fresh stuff is coming.  Late but soon.  Sorry for all the croutons.