YOU MIGHT HAVE THOUGHT today’s subject was going to be about Sarah Palin, based on the title of this post. She sure was prolific on Twitter for a while–her tweets were sheer poetry, as thespian-extraordinaire William Shatner brilliantly demonstrated on Conan O’Brien recently. But this former beauty pageant runner-up, recently “retired” Alaska governor, once-and-future Vice Presidential candidate, rabid race-baiter, and sexy grandma (quite the resume there!), Sarah Palin (a.k.a. Ms. Quittypants), is not on my mind at this moment. She ‘s just not as accessible as she used to be. Lately she lurks on Facebook, or rather, her new ghostwriter does. The new writer’s style is not nearly as poetic as hers, in that it’s readable. She’s in hiding somewhere, having a nervous breakdown, some say, or maybe just having her meds adjusted, getting plastic surgery, or perhaps “writing” her book–or some combination of these completely plausible scenarios. Ready to REAR HER HEAD and pop out again sometime in the future to save “real Americans” (you know, the ones who openly carry pistols to health care town hall meetings) from death panels or Putin. You betcha.
NO, TODAY I AM GOING TO OPINE on the technological wonder known as Twitter. The jury’s still out on this. My own personal jury, I mean. I have one. And they are wafflers. They couldn’t decide between vanilla or chocolate if their lives depended on it. I guess what I am saying is, my jury is very open-minded. They see both the PROS AND CONS of Twitter. So that means Twitter is going to get off easy–probably with a suspended sentence or house arrest. Possibly there will be ankle-bracelet monitoring, and some time lopped off for good behavior. Don’t give up on Twitter; there is some good in it; it is just misunderstood.
HERE’S HOW I (AND MY JURY) SEE IT: Sometimes I feel compelled to apologize for the “light posting” which is just a euphemistic way of describing my laziness here on my IMITATION BLOG. If I were a subscriber to the EMERGENCY INTERNET (Twitter), I could share with you all the random thoughts that inexplicably pop into my head, especially after the morning caffeine session.
YOU ARE MISSING SO MUCH!
But you should all THANK GOD that I do not subscribe to Twitter. Because if I did, you would be treated to this:
Morning is the time of day when I most wish it wasn’t morning. I have a feeling I would enjoy it much later in the day.
They call the control panel where you write your blog post the “dashboard.” But it’s more like a car with a manual transmission–and I can’t drive this fucking thing.
I recommend a rum and coke or two before sitting down at the computer. That’s what makes my stories such winners. And by winners, I mean losers.
I can’t decide if it’s “bars” or “boats” which should top my list of “favorite places to get nauseous.”
Could twittering make me less negative overall? Since it’s confining my thoughts to 140 char or less? I don’t know. Fuck off.
What do you say when using Twitter for the first time: “Hi, happy to tweet you?”
All this wisdom, crammed into just 140 characters or less.
I don’t know if people fully appreciate just how precious it is to put forth perfectly pithy, witty—and sometimes accidentally humorous—statements of 140 characters or less. I’m beginning to consider this style of writing (sorry–“tweeting”) as something of an artform and Sarah Palin is a master at this. It’s like poetry, almost haiku. Some of them are gems.