We Need a Pep Talk!

Here’s the thing, gang, I’m new at this blogging gig so bear with me.  There are many components that go into the making of a successful blog, and I’m pretty sure providing interesting writing is one of them.  I’m also guessing having a few readers would be good too.  So I’m blindly fumbling around here, trying to figure out what I need to do to become a successful, fair-to-middling blogger on these Internets.  Because we all know THAT IS WHERE THE MONEY IS.

To that end, I have come up with a list that we both need to get working on–partly because of the symbiotic relationship that we share as writer and reader–but mainly because of your burning desire for me to be successful at this.  For lack of a catchier title, I’ll call this list:  SECRETS TO A SUCCESSFUL BLOG:

1.  Interesting/informative (or at least slightly humorous) topics–I will try to provide these, as long as we recognize right up front that they’re not all going to be gems.  For instance, if I get on politics, realize I’m just going for the cheap laugh, not deep analysis.  (I do not pretend to be a real pundit when the fake ones are just as convincing.)  Also, I will try not to get all English-majory or editor-like on you and drone on about Shakespeare or Faulkner or Joyce (the novelist, not my friend with the short attention span; she probably didn’t even make it this far into the post)–or go on about which book fonts will add intellectual heft to any subject you discuss (that would be: serif-style).  I will try not to talk about wine too much. 

2.  Good writing–Still working on this.  Which is probably the reason I only have a blog and not a sweet book deal like Sarah Palin does.

3.  Incentives/Giveaways/Contests–I know, I know!  I promised you free Dunkin’ Donuts coupons for reading my blog.  That was false advertising on my part, which I deeply regret now that I actually have a blog.  But I’m in good company;  I don’t see anyone suing Oprah for promising everyone in the country free grilled chicken from KFC.  We all know how that turned out.  And I’m not stupid enough to offer a free car to everyone in my audience–even Oprah couldn’t save GM after she did that.  Here is my best offer:   READ MY BLOG NINE TIMES AND THE TENTH TIME IS FREE!  In addition, I am planning a contest in the near future.  Details TBA when I decide what the details are.  (I cannot say what the prize will be either, but I will tell you this: it will most likely not be KFC or GM-themed.)

4.  Readers–The most important element of a successful blog.  Or so I have been told.  C’mon people!  Let’s do this thing!  How’m I supposed to know if  I am holding up my end of this darned, and frankly, exhausting, writer/reader relationship if I don’t know if you’re out there?  I can hear you breathing.  Don’t be shy.  My policy on comments is that they are welcome as long as they are positive.  Just click on the clicky thing that says “Comments.”  (It’s in very tiny print below the post, so put on your reading glasses.  I’ll wait.)  So step up, people.  I would love to give you some feedback on your feedback.

There.  I think we both needed that pep talk.  I know I did.  Stay tuned.

4 thoughts on “We Need a Pep Talk!

  1. I’m reading and chuckling…..have forwarded the address to other anonymous readers – Don’t give up on us “non-writers” – we are just fearful of the red pen critique by our 4th grade teacher – yep you know who I mean

  2. Not to worry. I’m pretty sure Miss Gayer has passed on to that great classroom in the sky–or the basement.

  3. Don’t you see that it’s so hard to comment something that will be interesting enough for you knowledgeable, witty types?
    As an uncouth commenter, there is an innovative technique that I use to ease my anxiety about this matter.
    What I do is close and open my laptop repeatedly, so that it looks like it’s speaking to me. Then I read its “lips,” translate the message to English, and trust that what it has told me is comment-worthy.
    Okay. This time it told me, “Under with are am.” Then it threatened me with a knife. Sorry, but I’m not going to continue to comment on your blog if my computer repeatedly admonishes me with the fear of death by butterknife.
    I’ll keep reading, though!

  4. Never fear commenting on this blog, Mark. Knowledgeability and wittiness can be achieved through a punishing regimen of unlimited free time and caffeine. All you really need are enough Dunkin’ Donuts coupons and a vast supply of ennui.
    Also, your computer has lips?! Mine only has opposable thumbs. Dell sucks!!

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