Happy Rapture Day!

Question:

Does this mean Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Mike Huckabee, Glenn Beck, and all the other pure souls on earth will be checking out by 6:00 p.m. today?  It’s sure gonna be quiet around here without them.  And so peaceful!  If this is how it works, I think we’ve got this whole rapture thing backwards. 

Also, if you notice that I am not around for a while (like a week) don’t jump to any conclusions about my whereabouts.  I will be in Aruba with lots of other poor unfortunate sinners who didn’t make the cut, toasting the raptured and feeling sorry for myself!  Happy trails.

Reasons I Still Haven’t Joined Facebook

In case you cared, here they are:

Afraid that I will not be able to come up with interesting status updates like:  “Eating a sandwich now.”  Or  “Not eating a sandwich.  Maybe tomorrow.”  Or  “We are out of pickles, which would have gone well with a sandwich.”

Not able to find a flattering photo of me to use as a profile pic.

Afraid of who may find me on Facebook.  (No, I mean really afraid.)

Worried that only old people use Facebook now, because that’s what happened to blogs and Twitter.

I understand Facebook could become something of a “time-waster.” 

Family photos posted to FB will show how hideous-looking my children are.  Yet all they seem to do is take pictures of themselves.

I don’t like being “Poked.”

I’m afraid my kids won’t “Friend” me.

Waiting for the next hip new thing (FaceSpace?  i-Face?  Fumblr?).

Afraid my kids WILL “Friend” me.

Can’t lie about what I am doing on a Saturday night.

And the number 1 reason not to go on Facebook:

Sarah Palin is on Facebook.  If she tries to “Friend” me I will have to press the “Ignore” button, because there is no “Fuck You” button.

NOTE:  It may be coming soon, despite viruses and Sarah Palin.  There are too many good friends that I’d like to connect with to be able to ignore it anymore, and no one seems to want to use old-fashioned pony-express (e-mail) these days.